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    Much like a fancy, tropical lizard, I require close attention paid to my personal warmth. My body is not particularly cold tolerant, and low temperatures make my chest hurt in a squeezing, anxious way. Sturdy northerners are quick to point out that there is no such thing as cold weather, only inappropriate clothing, and while I agree on principle, I do live in the South, which means I’m ill-prepared and also allowed to complain. Listen, I don’t make the rules.

    Not everyone shares my aversion. Not only are there those who willingly enter into the cold, there are those who do it for fun. I regret to inform you that there are, in fact, as the Olympics in Pyeongchang have recently confirmed, cold weather sports. And where there are sports, there is Meat Sack. Today’s topic is hypothermia.

    Humans are not thermoconforming. We do not allow our body temperature to fluctuate with the weather, instead relying on a suite of physiological traits (like sweating) and behavioral modifications (like going the fuck indoors) to keep a close handle on our precious thermal homeostasis. We are homeotherms, and we regulate our temperature through metabolic activity. And coats. And shivering. Hypothermia, then, is what happens when the body is losing heat faster than it can generate it. Normal body temperature for a human is about 98.6 degrees fahrenheit; a tiny drop down to 95 degrees, and you’re in trouble.